"ABC is reporting that Mark Foley interrupted a vote on the House floor, stopped the House floor vote, so he could have online phone sex with a 16-year-old. Say what you want about Bill Clinton - he could sit at his desk and have sex and work at the same time." - Jay Leno

"Earlier in the week, (ex-Rep. Mark) Foley checked himself into rehab. But according to the New York Times, many people question his alcoholism claim. That's when you know things are bad in Washington. When a congressman can't even be trusted to be a drunk." - Jay Leno

"I don't think Foley gets it. Today he apologized and promised to turn over a new page." – Jay Leno

"A Congressman from Florida, 52-year-old Mark Foley, resigned because of questionable emails he wrote to a former male page. The page as 16 years old at the time. And out of force of habit, the Catholic church offered to move him to another parish." –Jay Leno

"Actually, this scandal with Foley has finally led to some bipartisan cooperation in Congress. For example, Republican leaders had to meet with Ted Kennedy to find out what's the best rehab center." - Jay Leno

"How about that Florida congressman Mark Foley? Whoa. At least the Democrats wait until the interns are 18." –David Letterman

"Have you all been following this scandal in Washington with ex-Congressman Mark Foley? Well, a couple of days ago, he checked himself into rehab. ... It had gotten so bad he had to go out and develop a drinking problem." - David Letterman

"The big question now is what should be done with Mark Foley's seat in Congress. I say, spray it with Lysol, boil it, coat it with Bactine, and then maybe you can sit on it." - Jay Leno

"This incident is changing the way many big companies do business in Washington. Like Tobacco companies are now hiring underage boys as lobbyists because they know that’s the best way to reach congressmen." –Jay Leno

"On Rush Limbaugh yesterday, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said, 'We took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it and asked him to resign.' Yeah, a year later. That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow." - Jay Leno

"After being caught sending explicit emails to underage boys, Florida congressman Mark Foley has resigned. So his seat is up for grabs, which is what got him in trouble in the first place." - Jay Leno

"This is like the worst thing to happen to congressional Republicans since last Thursday. ... Most people think GOP stands for Gay Old Pedophile." - Jay Leno

"Apparently, new evidence that just came out shows that former Congressman Mark Foley once engaged in Internet sex with a former page while a vote was being taken in the House. ... Apparently, instead of voting 'Aye,' Foley voted 'Oh God yes!'" - Conan O'Brien

"The ex-congressman, if nothing else, is contrite. He says when he gets out of rehab, he wants a fresh start and to turn over a new page." - David Letterman

"The big question, of course, for this congressman, who was an online sex predator to a 16-year-old, is - what drove him to it? [on screen: multiple newscasts saying Foley blamed alcohol]. The sauce. Sad juice. Satan's breast milk. Uncle Scotchy's anger wrangler. The active ingredient in Nyquil. That's why he did this thing. For if not for alcohol, it would have never crossed his mind. Mark Foley's problem wasn't that he drank, it was what he drank [on screen: bottle of Young Boyschlager]. Young Boyschlager. It's got real bits of young boy in it. You don't stand a chance." - Jon Stewart

"He's in rehab, which means it only happened because he was drinking. We've all done it folks - drunk dialing. It's just that in Foley's case, it was drunk texting erotic messages to underage pages about masturbation. ... It's simple. You drink, you forget things - especially things that could endanger minors." - Stephen Colbert

"Apparently he had text message phone sex with a boy during a vote on funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. No one can say he's soft on terror." - Jimmy Kimmel

"Former Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned over allegations he sent explicit emails to underage boys. What is it with Congress? If they’re not grabbing your wallet, they’re grabbing your ass." –Jay Leno

"The Republicans reacted quickly. They transferred Foley to a different parish." –David Letterman

"The Foley saga quickly sent leaders of the North American Man-Boy Love Association, or Congress, into action." - Jon Stewart

"So basically Pages are brought down there to perform sexual exploits for legislators?" –Jon Stewart
"No, that's what the interns are for. Pages are just the aphrodisiacs, set the mood, get them primed. They’re the Fluffers of Liberty." – Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee

"I have the latest in the big Washington sex scandal. ... CNN is reporting that former Congressman Mark Foley's instant messages were not only sexually inappropriate, but were also full of typos. In his own defense, Foley said, 'It's hard to type with one hand.'" - Conan O'Brien

"It's unbelievable the way the mainstream media is reporting this thing. Listening to them, you'd think it's all Foley's fault. Don't you think the kids bear some of the blame here? Hear me out. Let's be fair. How can a 53-year-old, six-term congressman hold out against the snares and seductive trickery of a high school student from the rural South?" - Stephen Colbert

"Alcohol is an amazing thing. It turns completely normal politicians into perverts and completely normal actors into anti-Semites." - Jimmy Kimmel

"Mark Foley...has checked into alcohol rehab. Yeah, when asked about it, Foley said, 'I have a problem with 18-year old Scotch and 16-year-old boys.'" – Conan O'Brien

"Foley sent what appeared to be inappropriate e-mails and text messages to underage male congressional pages. Evidently, the Republican leadership knew about it anywhere from 11 months ago to 60 months ago. Now people are calling for House Speaker Denny Hastert to step down. That's totally unfair. He's a former high school wrestling coach. What would he know about the harassment of young boys? All he knows is if you pull it, you ice it." - Stephen Colbert

"I don't think this Mark Foley guy gets it. When a reporter asked him what he's going to do after he resigned, he said, 'I'm going to Disneyland!' ... Actually, today he got a new job. He's going to join former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey's book tour." –Jay Leno

"Bush lost focus on Iraq because Congressman Mark Foley wouldn't stop sending him inappropriate emails."
the #1 item on David Letterman's list of the Top 10 Surprises in Bob Woodward's New Book